When I last posted on mindfulness, I used this equation:
Even though mindfulness isn't the same as outlook, I found it useful to think of it when trying to understand the importance of obtaining a mindful state in my life (i.e. 'If I'm more mindful my reward will be a better outlook which will, in turn, enrich my life.') I also used the story of my stolen car radio (if you missed that post, glance at it here).
To summarize, I realized that the 'past experience' portion of the equation was beyond my control unless I had a time machine to go back and undo what was already done. Following this train of thought, I realized the only logical way for me to change my present outlook was to manipulate or "put a handle" on my present thoughts.
This is....easier said than done. I remember the first time I tried to meditate. I got on my bed and simulated the meditation posture (I even did the cosmic mudra for added effect). I sat there and waited....and waited....and waited...and waited! To tell you the truth, I don't know what I expected. I have an overactive imagination, so I suppose I expected to close my eyes and be transported to this fantastical world where ancient secrets would be mine or, maybe, a realm where the "enlightenment fairies" would shower me with infinite wisdom. But, this didn't come. Nothing came, and so, my mind rebelled. All of a sudden I was thinking of my day, the things I had to do, things I didn't do but should've, my opinion on things, how my body ached, how hungry I was, how I disliked some things and liked others and the list can go on.
This is how I meditated for a while and still, today, I find myself doing it on particularly hard days. I have found the hardest thing for me to do is empty my mind. At the most basic level, it goes against my biological nature. From the moment I was born into the world, my mind was ever-growing. It took in shapes. It took in speech. It took in faces. It took in experiences. It took in the world...
It is impossible for a person of normal mental function to go through their day and not notice anything. Add to that the fact that, in this digital age, images, ideas, and opinions are continuously pouring out of everything from our tvs to our smartphones and its easy to see how our minds become cesspools of information. But, what's wrong with this? What's wrong with being informed? What's wrong with having opinions? What's wrong with having thoughts? Nothing....but not all thoughts are the same.
- Judgmental Thought: condemnatory, critical, or self-righteous mode of thinking
- "I'm not good enough..."
- "Things will never change..."
- "I'm the only sensible person here."
- "I hate that."
These are a few examples and moving forward I realized the mind, with its incessant desire to always be in the process of processing something, inevitably takes this too far. I found I couldn't focus without my mind wandering. In class my mind wandered. Reading a book my mind wandered. Eating food in the cafe, I thought about how I was never going to get all my work done. I wanted to scream to my mind, "Stop being so rude! I'm eating. Can't I eat a sandwich without worrying about all that. Haven't you made me worry about that all day?!" My mind was acting like a bully. Take a glance at this picture and try to find the letter "j":
The answer.
I realized the power of emptying my mind came from the discipline I gained to do it. If I had the discipline to empty my mind, I had the ability to shut out cumbersome thoughts. I, also, had the ability to know, instantly, when my thinking was leading me on a "wild goose chase" as in the case of finding the letter "j" above. After all, if I had given you this...
...you would've easily been able to say there is no letter "j." I learned that the "blankness" gives me a platform to sort through my thoughts without them pouring in one after the other, leaving me scattered and not fully in control. But, which thoughts were useful and which weren't? How could I tell the difference when habit dictated that ALL my thoughts were of some merit? How do I distinguish useful thoughts from judgmental ones? And, what's more, how do I use that to my advantage moving forward....
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