Mindfulness and its arch-nemesis: Judgmental thoughts

When I last posted on mindfulness, I used this equation:

Even though mindfulness isn't the same as outlook, I found it useful to think of it when trying to understand the importance of obtaining a mindful state in my life (i.e. 'If I'm more mindful my reward will be a better outlook which will, in turn, enrich my life.') I also used the story of my stolen car radio (if you missed that post, glance at it here).

To summarize, I realized that the 'past experience' portion of the equation was beyond my control unless I had a time machine to go back and undo what was already done. Following this train of thought, I realized the only logical way for me to change my present outlook was to manipulate or "put a handle" on my present thoughts.

This is....easier said than done. I remember the first time I tried to meditate. I got on my bed and simulated the meditation posture (I even did the cosmic mudra for added effect). I sat there and waited....and waited....and waited...and waited! To tell you the truth, I don't know what I expected. I have an overactive imagination, so I suppose I expected to close my eyes and be transported to this fantastical world where  ancient secrets would be mine or, maybe, a realm where the "enlightenment fairies" would shower me with infinite wisdom. But, this didn't come. Nothing came, and so, my mind rebelled. All of a sudden I was thinking of my day, the things I had to do, things I didn't do but should've, my opinion on things, how my body ached, how hungry I was, how I disliked some things and liked others and the list can go on.

This is how I meditated for a while and still, today, I find myself doing it on particularly hard days. I have found the hardest thing for me to do is empty my mind. At the most basic level, it goes against my biological nature. From the moment I was born into the world, my mind was ever-growing. It took in shapes. It took in speech. It took in faces. It took in experiences. It took in the world...

It is impossible for a person of normal mental function to go through their day and not notice anything. Add to that the fact that, in this digital age, images, ideas, and opinions are continuously pouring out of everything from our tvs to our smartphones and its easy to see how our minds become cesspools of information. But, what's wrong with this? What's wrong with being informed? What's wrong with having opinions? What's wrong with having thoughts? Nothing....but not all thoughts are the same.

• Judgmental Thought: condemnatory, critical, or self-righteous mode of thinking
• "I'm not good enough..."
• "Things will never change..."
• "I'm the only sensible person here."
• "I hate that."

These are a few examples and moving forward I realized the mind, with its incessant desire to always be in the process of processing something, inevitably takes this too far. I found I couldn't focus without my mind wandering. In class my mind wandered. Reading a book my mind wandered. Eating food in the cafe, I thought about how I was never going to get all my work done. I wanted to scream to my mind, "Stop being so rude! I'm eating. Can't I eat a sandwich without worrying about all that. Haven't you made me worry about that all day?!" My mind was acting like a bully. Take a glance at this picture and try to find the letter "j":

The answer.  

There is no letter "j."

I realized the power of emptying my mind came from the discipline I gained to do it. If I had the discipline to empty my mind, I had the ability to shut out cumbersome thoughts. I, also, had the ability to know, instantly, when my thinking was leading me on a "wild goose chase" as in the case of finding the letter "j" above. After all, if I had given you this...

...you would've easily been able to say there is no letter "j." I learned that the "blankness" gives me a platform to sort through my thoughts without them pouring in one after the other, leaving me scattered and not fully in control. But, which thoughts were useful and which weren't? How could I tell the difference when habit dictated that ALL my thoughts were of some merit? How do I distinguish useful thoughts from judgmental ones? And, what's more, how do I use that to my advantage moving forward....

 6UQ9P587FJNX

Mindfulness...the gateway to freedom

What is mindfulness and, better yet, what does it mean to us? As stated before in Beginnings, mindfulness has been given many different definitions over the course of time, but I especially liked this definition:

• the ability to be fully aware of what one is experiencing, without becoming at the same time, lost in that same experience

But, I would also like to submit two others:

• the quality of non-attached, non-judgmental observation of experience (courtesy of wildmind.org)
• an elevated level of awareness

For now, we'll focus on "non-judgmental observation," because I've found it to be the single largest impediment in achieving a more mindful and stress-free life.

Take a moment to glance at these two pictures:

[On a side note, the second image is courtesy of foreverangels.org. If you have time, read about ChaCha's story here at ForeverAngels. It truly is a wonderful and uplifting story of fighting through dire circumstances.]

In the two photos above we see two women in, seemingly, the same circumstance. From their clothes and the background you can tell they are in poverty and, what's more, are flanked by their children;  an added responsibility. But the pictures aren't the same. The heaviness and hopelessness that haunts the first picture seems absent in the second. But, why? Why does the first mothers' face succumb to depression while the second mother smiles in a shack that has no running water or electricity? Did we miss something here? Does the second mother know something we as outside observers can never know? Aren't both mother's present circumstances the same? Then why, upon looking at these two photos, are we confronted by two different outlooks?

I developed this simple equation some time ago through meditation and thinking back on my problems and how I dealt with them. This equation has also been a source of relief for me as I hope it'll be for you. 

I remember one day I was driving home from a particularly frustrating day at work. Nothing that whole day seemed to go right: I was on edge, my coworkers had been on edge, and it seemed like every embittered, ill-mannered person within a 5 mile radius had decided to be a customer that day. It's safe to say I was relieved when my shift was over and, I suppose, it was these thoughts that passed through my mind as my car began to shake and my back tire blew out. Of course, I pulled over as quickly as possible and pulled out my cellphone only to find I hadn't charged it (like I was supposed to) the day before and it was now dead. So with the frustration of work fresh on my mind, I added the frustration of my own stupidity to the mix. I rashly got out my car (and this is a very important point that comes to play later) and angrily started the walk alongside the highway to the nearest exit.

Not a minute into my journey, a woman (I never learned her name), pulled over and offered to take me to the nearest gas station. Once at the station I offered her money to which she refused and, after a hasty goodbye, made a beeline straight to the nearest payphone. I called for someone to pick me up and, in the meantime, I sat there, my disgust ever-growing as were the thoughts in my head as to all the things I could've been doing if I weren't stuck there. In time, my friend showed up and we drove back to my car where I was given the cherry on top of the proverbial cake; I had left my car unlocked and, worse, an opportunist had stolen my new car radio.

Words....mere words can not describe how pissed I was. And what was worse, I felt like a child locked in a fierce temper tantrum I had no energy for yet still participated in. I thought back, enraged, about all the times I had found an abandoned wallet, credit card, purse, or any valuable and had done the right thing in turning it in. I thought about all the times I could have stolen but didn't and felt, in my anger fueled ignorance, that that somehow had given me some sort of "karma pass" to not have things taken from me. Where was the fairness?

But then, a sliver of reason shined through the chaos. What use was there in being angry? Was my anger going to bring my radio back? In fact when I thought about it, wasn't my anger the reason I got my radio stolen in the first place? Would I had honestly left my car unlocked on the side of the highway had I been in my right mind? The answer was no, but though I couldn't go back in time and change my outlook then, I knew I didn't have to let that same angry outlook blind me in the present.

This was the first time I "walked the talk" and actually used my equation to change my present outlook.

We'll dig into the deeper importance of past experiences later, but I realized upon listing them a simple fact: the past is the past. Suck from it all the wisdom you can and move on. I couldn't go back in time and charge those lost credit cards if I wanted to (nor would I if I could). I couldn't go back and lock my car. I had no power over my tire blowing out and my day at work was over, yet I was still seething about it. From then on I gathered that the 'past experience' part of the equation was something I had no control over. I could not change the past, but rather its level of usefulness. But, more on that later.

In this moment, I felt like I had moved from the passenger's seat into the driver's. I had found control not in trying to control and process everything, but in finding out what I couldn't control and had no business processing in the first place. I didn't have to deal with the past. The past was only an issue as long as I let it affect my present; the only way that could happen was through my thoughts.